I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
