He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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