Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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