I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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