i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
