Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
