all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
