god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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