she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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