Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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