I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
