remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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