Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Randomize
