Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
