Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
