His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
