Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
