i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
