Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
