dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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