Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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