God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
