He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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