i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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