his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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