What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
