I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
