I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
