ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I need to align my fucking chakras
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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