I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
