Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
