I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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