Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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