To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
