Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
even my farts smell like vagina
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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