I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
