oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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