I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
