Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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