Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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