I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
