My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
