Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
