apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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