dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
