We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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