I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
