She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
