tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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