it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
