Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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