we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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